It might seem that I should be writing about the power of yes, as developing a positive attitude is often discussed in our programs. Many of our evidence-based workshops teach skills on changing negative thoughts to positive ones. However, no doesn’t have to be a negative word. As a matter of fact there is power, peace, and kindness in a thoughtful response of no.
People often feel guilty saying no when asked for help or when invited to a social event. Ask yourself why. Is it just an automatic response to the possibility of disappointing someone? Do you feel you are the only person who can do what is being asked? While being a good human is commendable and socializing is important for your health, you may find yourself overwhelmed. Feeling guilty about saying no doesn’t help anyone! Remember that every no leaves you open to say yes to something else that might be more needed. It might be a guilt-free nap!
Choosing what you want to do is not selfish. Politely saying no when you really don’t want to do something, is respectful. You are the one deciding what you can and want to do. It is selfish to rely on others to make you feel needed or important. If you lack the time to do what is being asked, let the person find someone who does have the time and can do the task without being stretched thin. Grant yourself the power to be in control of your time and wellbeing.
Saying no creates good boundaries for healthy relationships. Letting others know where you stand sets the stage for clear communication. When you don’t have time to listen to your friend talk about her recent surgery, ask her if you could call back at a time when you can be a better listener. By allowing yourself to thoughtfully pick your activities, you will lessen the possibility of resentment, burnout, and stress. A person who is not ensnared in these negative states is more capable of participating in healthy interactions.
Being a positive, helpful person can include the word no. Take time to assess what you are feeling and why. Prioritize yourself so that you can be fully present in the things you want and need to do. A kind no is worth a thousand half-hearted yeses.
Being assertive, setting goals, and managing stress are pillars of many evidence-based workshops offered by CareWell Services SW. If you would like to be notified when any of the following programs are coming up call (269) 966-2450 or email cacker@carewellservices.org
Diabetes Personal Action Toward Health (PATH) – A free, six-week workshop that teaches practical skills for living a healthy life with diabetes. For adults 60+ and caregivers of those with diabetes.
Powerful Tools for Caregivers – A free, six-week workshop that empowers caregivers to care for themselves while caring for others.
Active Choices – A personalized, telephone support program for older adults wanting to live a healthier life with activity and physical exercise.
A Matter of Balance – An award-winning, free program designed to help manage falls and increase activity levels. For adults 60 and over.